19112012

To be at work is really annoying. I don't mind the work, but the regimentation is insane. Sometimes there's too many things to remember that I can't really remember anything. And my schedules very rushed.... BLA BLA BLAh. Ok who cares about my work. I'm just writing because I feel the time is right. Like how I feel that this is a good time for me to send in my university applications to catch up with what I'll miss for 2 years. And I've been feeling really lonely lately, so when I went out with my wushu friends last Saturday, it was immense joy. Even if we barely did anything. Like when I went to the Anime Festival Asia, it felt horrible to go there alone, but watching all those people in cosplay, and go into a maid cafe for the first time, and talking to all those people around me with the same interest, I didn't feel so alone anymore. Not especially after my best friend dropped by and we got free concert tickets worth $88 each. Work is hard. But I think it lets me appreciate all the little things that happens outside with my friends. I'm on leave now, but its still lonely without them Ciaossu

14072012

I envy Jay Chou. He's decided to marry a super hot 19 year old model, also 14 years younger than himself. He's been dating her for a while. And he's gonna marry her just because he can. Or maybe there's various reasons. Trust me, the Hannah Quinlivian girl is FREAKIN HOT. Well, congratulations to him and wish them all the best. I want to go karaoke. Its sad that I hardly have any friends free or can afford to go with me without burning their pockets. I miss singing Jay Chou songs, and singing duets with my poly classmate. I think singing with her was one of the best times I've ever had in karaoke. Too bad I don't fluent myself in mandarin or things would've been entirely different from now. I just realised i have a favourite singing partner. ahaha okayy i like that. There's a person I'd like to forget. Yea its the same girl. Just being in the mrt station of where she lives make me hypersensitive. I cant help but look around hoping she's somewhere near me. I'm not like Jay, I'm not the one who goes for those models and marries them. Guess I've got alot to learn from the master. Sleepy. Ciaossu

10072012

All guys know this. When we see the picture of the girl we love, she suddenly becomes the most beautiful thing in existence. As for me, as I look through her pictures my heart beat faster and faster, and I can't contain this excitement, can't even sit still. I feel so light-headed and I'm even blogging right now. Seriously I saw her picture and my whole world changed. It had changed from the darkest of the dullest woods into fields of spring, so green and vibrant, and warm. There are butterflies everywhere, and I can see hills beyond the horizon and the sun rise from the east. She's so beautiful. My heart becomes at ease. The world's burden lightens and I lay on my bed without a care in the world. I imagine her, like how wonderful it would've been if this had happened differently and she'd lean on my chest, with my arms around her, and hers around me. Too much time has passed between the two of us and I can only do so much to fix what we had. I miss her. I really miss her bad.

04072012 0848

Few days ago I told myself if I see the TPJC girl the next time I get to the no.9 bus stop near my house, I would go talk to her. When she didn't turn up, I thought about a series of possibilities of what could've not led us to meet. More importantly, I thought about the meaning of why we didn't meet. Is this some kind of message? Or is it pure coincidence that we saw each other a couple of times and when I actually wanted to talk to her, she wasn't there. I then remembered a friend who is trying out something similar, and imagined him lecturing me about how human beings tend to put meaning behind the smallest of things. So I traced back to a book I had read a few days ago called 'The Alchemist'. It's a rather popular book sharing a story that involved the reading of omens and the discovery of a boy's 'Personal Legend'. That friend of mine said books give people ideas, imaginations, philosophies even. I know about how delusional people can get, thinking about how they can live out things written on a fictional book because I suffer from the same thing. But that doesn't entirely mean that there are no meanings at all. The Law of Correspondence is in effect even if we don't know it. I have read The Alchemist, and it has input the knowledge in my mind like how it has input knowledge into many others'. But different people see the knowledge differently. I know I may have been affected by the book subconsciously, because it may have made me believe that being unable to see the girl at the bus stop is a sign. Well, the Law of Correspondence is working great, and if I hadn't forgotten my umbrella, I could have reached the bus stop 5 minutes earlier, resulting in me boarding the earlier bus 9 and talking to her. I'm not saying that I completely agree with the philosophies from the Alchemist, but I do believe that man can do anything if they willing to bleed for it at the same time remember that they need to be alive to savour it. It is just like how The Great Gatsby rose up his riches just for the reason of finding the woman that he loves. I'd still like to meet that TPJC girl and if it is meant to be, surely I will talk to her.

22062012

Scs has just ended awhile ago. It still feels as if yesterday I had just returned from Thailand and have become a better man. I will be frank, I do not enjoy working with some of the guys, but every challenge has its own lessons to learn. I am not the insecure person nor the guy who hates the world whenever there's a wall blocking his path, no more. I've been too busy to deal with things happening in the real life, so I'm lagging behind the rest of the world. Well not anymore. I've started studying French as well of the Art of War, and I've made a couple of plans for my very benefit. I will be an environmentalist by the time I reach 25. I will travel across 10 countries by 30. I will be married too. I will earn at least $5000 monthly. Not many things left to say, I simply got a date tomorrow with a lovely girl from my old school and I'm very excited to meet her. Ciaossu

05052012

Ok the previous post was an unintentional lie, I didn't think I'd have to stay in pasir laba at that point of time. Anyway, all is good, I'm still alive alhamdulillah, and I'm left about a month and a half before getting posted out. Ok, I am definitely not a good people person. I don't know when is the right time to joke with my camp mates and sometimes I even respond negatively. But I'm doing my best, honest! Nowadays they keep pronounciating my name in a funny way. Faddhieu, if I could spell it. I think it came about from a certain wushu friend of mine also called the drunk old man. Maybe cos of the chinese accent=/ well, I kinda like the name though. So I've been through many things this past few weeks, from almost dying from hyperventilation (more than once) to flying on a helicopter. It was pretty awesome, not counting the I nearly died part. Very tiring, but a rewarding experience. I just miss the people who I used to see outside like my wushu peeps, my makassar sayangs, andalus buddies(been too long, really) and many different grps Ok going off topic from the army experience with all the sentimentality going on. At present, I'm deciding what should I do in my life. I know there's a deep voice inside of me saying that I have to be an enviromentalist. I want to take the first step forward to this direction. For starters, I'm starting ro widen out my network and hopefully I can reach to people who can help me achieve that. I have to work hard and not waste any time. I will learn what I can even if I have to serve my duties for the nation. Being booked in doesn't mean that there aren't any knowledge at all. Well I have to admit, although it sounds stupid, I am trying to find a girlfriend during my ns time. My dream is to travel the world but things would be sweeter if I had someone with me to write a new legend? My confidence with girls is pretty low, and even if i had some experience, it is hard to find one to go serioua with(wth serious with?) I hope destiny will pull me together with that girl. I guess the most important thing is still the future. In this life, there's no meaning untill you are willing to take risks and make mistakes that is needed for you to grow stronger. Everyone goes somewhere because they work at something. They try, many fail, but others move on. I wanna attain my happiness, just like many others. It will be a long and fruitful journey. Ciaossu

04032012

WOO last week here in pasir laba!!!!

Went thru many long weeks with gusto. So many things had happened in camp and outfield, but im tired and lazy to mention all of em. every activity was fun in its own way, its just the things like preparation and stuff were very troublesome. Last book in to Charlie Coy tonight, so im hoping for a smooth graduation week for all of us. And along with it comes the 28km route march.

Aiya 28km is nothing la.

I'm glad i was able to see my wushu friends right before book in just now, cos we all went to this international wushu performance that happens every year. They were all still young and healthy, and although i had to leave the performance halfway, seeing their happy faces alone calms my heart.

Sadly, she didn't come but for some reason, a part of me is relieved. Moving on.

damn im still hungry.
oh well, if everything goes A-ok, then this hunger is nothing.
Ciaossu

20012012

SCS LO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that's where I am right now. I've adapted to military life and I am no longer easily as shag as I was before. I think the one week break after the long, gruelling 4-5 months of BMT was a well deserved reward. I spent it mostly in Jakarta and Bandung^_^.

Gone thru the passing out parade on the 7th, was it? Walking with your 10-20kg field pack for 24 kilometres is no joke. In my case, had I not maintained my focus I would've probably fell apart when reaching 20km mark. I literally felt like my knees were about to snap.

BUT!

POP LO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more recruit treatment for us! Hee hee heeeee....

Given more freedom really takes off the burden of discipline from your shoulders, and it also improves the creativity of your thinking. It's true! But SCS (training to be a specialist) is not too lenient, of course. First week we already use the Matador (smtg like a bazooka), M203 (a type of grenade launcher), Claymore Mine (a mine-_-''') aiya many many la, I shudn't say, sekali kena charged =P.

BUT!

I ain't no chao recruit no more, babeh. Uh-huh, uh-huh!
Now when first book out from camp, the first thing that I did was talking to my dad, and next, leaving the house to play netball with my sister and friends. Damn fun, I kid you not! Life is fun! Just now I somehow managed to activate my PS2 emulator on the laptop, that means I can PLAY MORE GAMES!!!! (Credits to my awesome bunk buddy, Diploma in Computer Engineering from NYP, Cadet Toh!!!!!)

All I'm missing is a girlfriend D=
Hahahahahaha I'll just leave that to life!
I miss my wushu ppl already though.
Confirm they miss me one =D

Ciaossu^_^

15012012

As times go by, some may wish for time to run faster, or to go slower. We might as well wish time could simply skip a period or it could just stop.

I just wanna be happy to watch those times.

when time moves like a raging river. Flowing quickly along with some awesome friends, having fun, and suddenly realising that its 2am in the morning.

when time moves like a travelling snail. Sitting on a soft patch of grass, watching the beauty of the mountains until the sun starts to set.

when time moves like a flash of lightning. Lying on your bed, on the phone talking to your most awesome person in the world, then falling asleep and to wake up that he or she's still there.

when time moves like... or when it doesn't. The moment when you gaze upon that awesome person's eyes, the moment when you touch his or her hand, the moment you feel the warmth of that awesome person. Whether its a touch, or a presence, or a kiss...

I'm not that significant of a person. I do not have much intellect involving IQ nor do I have good social skills, and those other skills involving EQ. If I were to make the best out of the very person I am, I can only shout it out loud. Quit dreaming, now is the time to go real. If there's still a dream, now is the time to turn it to reality.

What is my dream?
My what? Umm, no specifics? Just wanna live easy.

Is National Service hindering me from my dream?
Yes and No.

Care to explain?
No, I do not want to explain. If I do, I'll just start using this low-utility brain of mine.

No big dreams for me huh? Why don't I be a teacher? At least I'm a useful human being. I wanna be more than that but what? I've no ambition, no goal, no one to give chase to, and there's just that thing about me being irresponsible? Sigh.

Still searching...
Ciaossu.