23102011

Since i enlisted in the national service, ive always wondered if ive achieved smtg that is... real. ok lemme say out all the things which i have done so far before enlistment. in my last ivp with spwushu i earned a gold medal in the group category. i graduated from poly? worked in a network marketing industry. promoted to assistant coach position. taught secondary school students, if only just a bit. apart from all those ive just been a neet.

Is all that significant? people during that time are probably in the midst of developing the iphone5, and at the same time building the new mrt line all over singapore. sometimes i even find myself a burden to the singapore manpower. i failed to achieve good results for poly, i didnt even apply for uni, and the worse part, i lived on my dad's money. mostly. HAH heck abt being a burden to singapore. what kind of person would be a burden to his own family?? damn this!!

I used to have everything planned out. i wanted to learn mandarin, work for pub while at it. and at the same time, get a degree. the thing about getting a degree is that i dont even know what i want to learn! i suck at my own course, and nearly none the private unis are offering for stuff for me to continue what ive learnt in poly!

Going to supwushu trgs i keep seeing people get injured, and also people trg their muscles so they can jump further and higher, or trg their abs so they will have a better feel of their spinning techniques. then i realise ive always been interested in how the human body works during physical activities. then an thought occured to me. I wanna learn Sports Science. I still havent planned anything about it yet but im sure i wanna do smtg rather than remaining as a freeloader of a person.

Now in the national service im going through my BMT phase, eighth week, meaning i got around 10 more wks till POP and around 22 months to ORD. life here if simple. just listen to orders properly and make appropriate decisions wisely. and think fast. any mistakes, u just gotta learn from it. and do your best in activities. same thing about life. EXCEPT the physical burden is 9.1 in the scale of 10.

Every inside, we'll think of every little motivation we have to endure the training. girlfriends, family, crush, goals, dreams. yea. I think about my family all the time. I also think about a certain girl all the time too. i got myself rejected by her cos i was naive i guess. but im trying to move on. haha smtimes i get distracted by my thoughts of her that i dont concentrate on the trg that much. thank you short attention span of mine. ive always been very high. but lately, ive been feeling very agitated. i actually feel pretty much like shit today. i havent seen her for so long. yesterday was a birthday so i bought her a gift, hoping that she'll come. then my hopes dashed away...

oh well. im booking in approximately 4 hours. and i havent completed the planning of deeparaya. Oh yes, we're gonna perform dikir barat for deeparaya this tuesday, and im the director. so ive been doing shit research about dikir barat and indian dance and eventually mixing both. so can say im in deep shit now. still got time to blog, tweet, fb, manga, anime and myspace. and look at movies. this morning i ran with fairuz, ran to tampines. now i know how the crazy enhanced batch people train. crazy people. wait, im getting distracted. gonna finish dikir barat planning now so im gonna find smtg in life. Ciaossu.

12062011

I guess many things happened this year so far.
Its been the most challenging year ever.
Many things around this country and its people going thru changes.
All i expect to see is a better tomorrow.

This year I learnt what "feeling low" is all about.
I have never felt more nervous than any time in my life.
This excitement, I have not experienced before.
The year began more sad than I've ever been in my entire life.
Heartache has never been this painful.
Loss has never been this terrible.

Funny.
As long as I can remember, I have never cried so badly in my life as long as I can remember.
This year, I guess all those accumulated tears just gushed out.
It's not a bad thing.
I knew I've always been emotional since young.
The most memorable stuff are always the sadder things.
Fighting against life.
Mistakes were intentionally made.
I guess this is what growing up is all about.
All we need is just someone who we can hold on to.
No, the journey to find that someone is nothing easy.
But things won't be sad all the time.
Happy memories are sometimes forgotten.
But at least I know they happened.
At least life is not a lie.

Sakit hati pikir pasal dia.
Kalau dia tak ada, tak payah ku rasa rindu macam gini.
Nak cuba happy pon, kawan semua sibuk.
Kat rumah, hanya tahu main game saja.
Kat luar, duit hilang macam kocek berlobang.
Nak exercise, malas pula.
Tapi bila berpikir pasal apa nak buat, dia sentiasa dlm kepala.
Tak paham dia ah.
Suka pon tak boleh buat apape.
Dah kena reject.
Tak tahu macam mana nak menang hati dia.
Dia dah pergi negeri Cina.
Datang balik tak ada plan.
Kalau ada pon aku penakot.
Tak pernah tahu apa dia berpikir.
Terlalu susah nak paham.
Bila kat Cameron macam mata air pula.
Sampai rumah jadi kawan biasa.
Rindu lah.
Sakit hati betul.

Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way

An old song that I've always loved...


Remember me this way
Jordan Hill

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more apart of time, you're everywhere
I'll always cares

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe