05012014

Today I'm gonna share with you stuffs that I want. What a stupid-sounding post, I know, but I want the future me to read this and see laugh at what at what goals I did and did not and still strive to achieve.. and reflect also. ONE. Being the musicman I've always been, I wish to go to a MUSE live concert, at least once. Its a dream for every MUSE fan to catch em live in their oh so legendary concerts. TWO. I'm a half-hearted traveler, I know. But like everyone, I also have a my own dream destinations for the dream holidays and such. JAPAN is one of the places I've only been able to whimper about since I was 9 years old. It's the wish of every Japanese anime fan, why wouldn't it be mine too? GREECE is a place with the beautiful landscapes with a million stories untold behind them. It is full of culture and romance, and the one place I'd beg my future wife to come with me even if I'd have to pay for all of her expenses. OLD TRAFFORD, no arguments. THREE. Speaking of future wife, although I haven't got the option to be picky, I have preferences in the girl I'd like to be with. Still, (this goes to whoever girl I'm gonna be with) if she's not like what I'm about to write, then I've probably changed or learnt to love the girl regardless of the kind of person she's like. I like a girl who's sporty, composed, and responsible. A bit childish, and shorter than me. One who loves music, and also a pinch of anime. One who'll scold me when I'm too lazy to clean my room, and straighten me up so I can work towards my goal. The rest is too abstract and I'm also tired to think any more so I shall keep it at that. Nonetheless, she will still be the one I will love for the rest of my life. FOUR. I like animals, so I'd like to live with a cat. Doctors say cats have think calming effect on a people, but I just want something meowy to cuddle with me and disturb me purring at home. Makes a home a little homelier. FIVE. I want to own my own company. Sitting in that CEO seat managing my own company, and knowing that I built that company. It is another dream I've always had, to leave my name on a stamp on this world before I go. SIX. In my religion, this world is here to prepare ourselves for Jannah, the final destination for every Muslim soul. I want make the ultimate preparation, leading my family and those around me to Jannah. I have a really long way to go, but I will get there. I have my mother and father as brilliant mentors. I also have my sisters. I only need one more person. Myself, to lead my partner and children there. SEVEN. Ok, so in the end I'm still superficial. I want to live in a large bungalow, buy two semi-detaches and fix em together for a really big ass bungalow. EITHER the bungalow or a penthouse. Have a maid or two to maintain my house. Have a really good place for my family, easier on my parents, future wife, and future kids. Somewhere I can bring friends home also for a dang good lepak time. Future wife and future kids can do the same. For parents no questions asked. EIGHT. I want to be forever close to all my friends, all the way from primary school, to secondary school, to poly, to NS, to my past and present colleagues. It feels very lonely to be forgotten. Friends who I had a bad relationship with, I'd like to fix, and not leave any walls between us. Friends already with me will be held tightly. NINE. I had a wish to GOD after I prayed one of those Friday prayers. In fact I wished this several times. I told GOD I want to be the ULTIMATE GOOD GUY. Yep, that's what I said. I don't like to feel negative, and I still believe in honesty and trust. I wished to improve as a person, as a human being, and spread the goodness to the people around me. Life is an on-going never-ending lesson. TEN. This is to you, FUTURE FADHIL. No matter how ridiculous you find life is, YOU got YOURSELF to where you are reading this right now. This list of TEN is here for you to remind you that you are NOT insignificant. You have BIG dreams and an even BIGGER heart. You are NOT alone. You are BLESSED because you STRIVE to be blessed. You have me, PAST FADHIL to support you. For all the things that you regret, wishing you had done but didn't, remember that I will be angry at YOU cos you dwell about your PAST as if that I am a DISAPPOINTMENT to you. If I could I would beat you up for that then I will laugh it off so hard I think my stomach would hurt. Wherever you get yourself, I will NEVER be disappointed in you, for you are my FUTURE. Live things off with a really big smile, struggle against hurdles strongly, rely on people you trust, help those as far as your large helping hands can reach, love with all your heart, pray with all your faith, speak the wise, be open to ideas, try your very best. This is PAST FADHIL signing off. Ciaossu^^ You are not alone=)

11102013

Too much time has gone by. We're already 22 this year. Much, much older than we used to be while we met at 17. I don't know why when I think of my future, I still see you with me. Playing with the swings, just you and me and so many children all around us. I wake up from this dream and I can only see into in the photos, telling tales of travel and venture, and you living your life the way you want to. Just that there's no place for me in there. I see every photo and can't even click the 'like' button, afraid you would think I that I am still the same person who confessed to you in that text two years ago. Well I can't say I haven't changed. In fact I think I like the way I am right now than the immature person I was back then. Still it seems I haven't fully graduated from my feelings for you. I haven't loved anyone else as much as I loved you but I'm still trying hard in spite of these feelings. You were the one I thought about while it was raining in the Thai jungles during my loneliest period in the army. Why am I being cheesy for right now? I guess this is my work in progress. Take care of yourself in your travels, and do your best in the future and I still envy that you get to work in PUB. I miss you.

19112012

To be at work is really annoying. I don't mind the work, but the regimentation is insane. Sometimes there's too many things to remember that I can't really remember anything. And my schedules very rushed.... BLA BLA BLAh. Ok who cares about my work. I'm just writing because I feel the time is right. Like how I feel that this is a good time for me to send in my university applications to catch up with what I'll miss for 2 years. And I've been feeling really lonely lately, so when I went out with my wushu friends last Saturday, it was immense joy. Even if we barely did anything. Like when I went to the Anime Festival Asia, it felt horrible to go there alone, but watching all those people in cosplay, and go into a maid cafe for the first time, and talking to all those people around me with the same interest, I didn't feel so alone anymore. Not especially after my best friend dropped by and we got free concert tickets worth $88 each. Work is hard. But I think it lets me appreciate all the little things that happens outside with my friends. I'm on leave now, but its still lonely without them Ciaossu

14072012

I envy Jay Chou. He's decided to marry a super hot 19 year old model, also 14 years younger than himself. He's been dating her for a while. And he's gonna marry her just because he can. Or maybe there's various reasons. Trust me, the Hannah Quinlivian girl is FREAKIN HOT. Well, congratulations to him and wish them all the best. I want to go karaoke. Its sad that I hardly have any friends free or can afford to go with me without burning their pockets. I miss singing Jay Chou songs, and singing duets with my poly classmate. I think singing with her was one of the best times I've ever had in karaoke. Too bad I don't fluent myself in mandarin or things would've been entirely different from now. I just realised i have a favourite singing partner. ahaha okayy i like that. There's a person I'd like to forget. Yea its the same girl. Just being in the mrt station of where she lives make me hypersensitive. I cant help but look around hoping she's somewhere near me. I'm not like Jay, I'm not the one who goes for those models and marries them. Guess I've got alot to learn from the master. Sleepy. Ciaossu

10072012

All guys know this. When we see the picture of the girl we love, she suddenly becomes the most beautiful thing in existence. As for me, as I look through her pictures my heart beat faster and faster, and I can't contain this excitement, can't even sit still. I feel so light-headed and I'm even blogging right now. Seriously I saw her picture and my whole world changed. It had changed from the darkest of the dullest woods into fields of spring, so green and vibrant, and warm. There are butterflies everywhere, and I can see hills beyond the horizon and the sun rise from the east. She's so beautiful. My heart becomes at ease. The world's burden lightens and I lay on my bed without a care in the world. I imagine her, like how wonderful it would've been if this had happened differently and she'd lean on my chest, with my arms around her, and hers around me. Too much time has passed between the two of us and I can only do so much to fix what we had. I miss her. I really miss her bad.

04072012 0848

Few days ago I told myself if I see the TPJC girl the next time I get to the no.9 bus stop near my house, I would go talk to her. When she didn't turn up, I thought about a series of possibilities of what could've not led us to meet. More importantly, I thought about the meaning of why we didn't meet. Is this some kind of message? Or is it pure coincidence that we saw each other a couple of times and when I actually wanted to talk to her, she wasn't there. I then remembered a friend who is trying out something similar, and imagined him lecturing me about how human beings tend to put meaning behind the smallest of things. So I traced back to a book I had read a few days ago called 'The Alchemist'. It's a rather popular book sharing a story that involved the reading of omens and the discovery of a boy's 'Personal Legend'. That friend of mine said books give people ideas, imaginations, philosophies even. I know about how delusional people can get, thinking about how they can live out things written on a fictional book because I suffer from the same thing. But that doesn't entirely mean that there are no meanings at all. The Law of Correspondence is in effect even if we don't know it. I have read The Alchemist, and it has input the knowledge in my mind like how it has input knowledge into many others'. But different people see the knowledge differently. I know I may have been affected by the book subconsciously, because it may have made me believe that being unable to see the girl at the bus stop is a sign. Well, the Law of Correspondence is working great, and if I hadn't forgotten my umbrella, I could have reached the bus stop 5 minutes earlier, resulting in me boarding the earlier bus 9 and talking to her. I'm not saying that I completely agree with the philosophies from the Alchemist, but I do believe that man can do anything if they willing to bleed for it at the same time remember that they need to be alive to savour it. It is just like how The Great Gatsby rose up his riches just for the reason of finding the woman that he loves. I'd still like to meet that TPJC girl and if it is meant to be, surely I will talk to her.

22062012

Scs has just ended awhile ago. It still feels as if yesterday I had just returned from Thailand and have become a better man. I will be frank, I do not enjoy working with some of the guys, but every challenge has its own lessons to learn. I am not the insecure person nor the guy who hates the world whenever there's a wall blocking his path, no more. I've been too busy to deal with things happening in the real life, so I'm lagging behind the rest of the world. Well not anymore. I've started studying French as well of the Art of War, and I've made a couple of plans for my very benefit. I will be an environmentalist by the time I reach 25. I will travel across 10 countries by 30. I will be married too. I will earn at least $5000 monthly. Not many things left to say, I simply got a date tomorrow with a lovely girl from my old school and I'm very excited to meet her. Ciaossu

05052012

Ok the previous post was an unintentional lie, I didn't think I'd have to stay in pasir laba at that point of time. Anyway, all is good, I'm still alive alhamdulillah, and I'm left about a month and a half before getting posted out. Ok, I am definitely not a good people person. I don't know when is the right time to joke with my camp mates and sometimes I even respond negatively. But I'm doing my best, honest! Nowadays they keep pronounciating my name in a funny way. Faddhieu, if I could spell it. I think it came about from a certain wushu friend of mine also called the drunk old man. Maybe cos of the chinese accent=/ well, I kinda like the name though. So I've been through many things this past few weeks, from almost dying from hyperventilation (more than once) to flying on a helicopter. It was pretty awesome, not counting the I nearly died part. Very tiring, but a rewarding experience. I just miss the people who I used to see outside like my wushu peeps, my makassar sayangs, andalus buddies(been too long, really) and many different grps Ok going off topic from the army experience with all the sentimentality going on. At present, I'm deciding what should I do in my life. I know there's a deep voice inside of me saying that I have to be an enviromentalist. I want to take the first step forward to this direction. For starters, I'm starting ro widen out my network and hopefully I can reach to people who can help me achieve that. I have to work hard and not waste any time. I will learn what I can even if I have to serve my duties for the nation. Being booked in doesn't mean that there aren't any knowledge at all. Well I have to admit, although it sounds stupid, I am trying to find a girlfriend during my ns time. My dream is to travel the world but things would be sweeter if I had someone with me to write a new legend? My confidence with girls is pretty low, and even if i had some experience, it is hard to find one to go serioua with(wth serious with?) I hope destiny will pull me together with that girl. I guess the most important thing is still the future. In this life, there's no meaning untill you are willing to take risks and make mistakes that is needed for you to grow stronger. Everyone goes somewhere because they work at something. They try, many fail, but others move on. I wanna attain my happiness, just like many others. It will be a long and fruitful journey. Ciaossu

04032012

WOO last week here in pasir laba!!!!

Went thru many long weeks with gusto. So many things had happened in camp and outfield, but im tired and lazy to mention all of em. every activity was fun in its own way, its just the things like preparation and stuff were very troublesome. Last book in to Charlie Coy tonight, so im hoping for a smooth graduation week for all of us. And along with it comes the 28km route march.

Aiya 28km is nothing la.

I'm glad i was able to see my wushu friends right before book in just now, cos we all went to this international wushu performance that happens every year. They were all still young and healthy, and although i had to leave the performance halfway, seeing their happy faces alone calms my heart.

Sadly, she didn't come but for some reason, a part of me is relieved. Moving on.

damn im still hungry.
oh well, if everything goes A-ok, then this hunger is nothing.
Ciaossu

20012012

SCS LO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, that's where I am right now. I've adapted to military life and I am no longer easily as shag as I was before. I think the one week break after the long, gruelling 4-5 months of BMT was a well deserved reward. I spent it mostly in Jakarta and Bandung^_^.

Gone thru the passing out parade on the 7th, was it? Walking with your 10-20kg field pack for 24 kilometres is no joke. In my case, had I not maintained my focus I would've probably fell apart when reaching 20km mark. I literally felt like my knees were about to snap.

BUT!

POP LO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more recruit treatment for us! Hee hee heeeee....

Given more freedom really takes off the burden of discipline from your shoulders, and it also improves the creativity of your thinking. It's true! But SCS (training to be a specialist) is not too lenient, of course. First week we already use the Matador (smtg like a bazooka), M203 (a type of grenade launcher), Claymore Mine (a mine-_-''') aiya many many la, I shudn't say, sekali kena charged =P.

BUT!

I ain't no chao recruit no more, babeh. Uh-huh, uh-huh!
Now when first book out from camp, the first thing that I did was talking to my dad, and next, leaving the house to play netball with my sister and friends. Damn fun, I kid you not! Life is fun! Just now I somehow managed to activate my PS2 emulator on the laptop, that means I can PLAY MORE GAMES!!!! (Credits to my awesome bunk buddy, Diploma in Computer Engineering from NYP, Cadet Toh!!!!!)

All I'm missing is a girlfriend D=
Hahahahahaha I'll just leave that to life!
I miss my wushu ppl already though.
Confirm they miss me one =D

Ciaossu^_^

15012012

As times go by, some may wish for time to run faster, or to go slower. We might as well wish time could simply skip a period or it could just stop.

I just wanna be happy to watch those times.

when time moves like a raging river. Flowing quickly along with some awesome friends, having fun, and suddenly realising that its 2am in the morning.

when time moves like a travelling snail. Sitting on a soft patch of grass, watching the beauty of the mountains until the sun starts to set.

when time moves like a flash of lightning. Lying on your bed, on the phone talking to your most awesome person in the world, then falling asleep and to wake up that he or she's still there.

when time moves like... or when it doesn't. The moment when you gaze upon that awesome person's eyes, the moment when you touch his or her hand, the moment you feel the warmth of that awesome person. Whether its a touch, or a presence, or a kiss...

I'm not that significant of a person. I do not have much intellect involving IQ nor do I have good social skills, and those other skills involving EQ. If I were to make the best out of the very person I am, I can only shout it out loud. Quit dreaming, now is the time to go real. If there's still a dream, now is the time to turn it to reality.

What is my dream?
My what? Umm, no specifics? Just wanna live easy.

Is National Service hindering me from my dream?
Yes and No.

Care to explain?
No, I do not want to explain. If I do, I'll just start using this low-utility brain of mine.

No big dreams for me huh? Why don't I be a teacher? At least I'm a useful human being. I wanna be more than that but what? I've no ambition, no goal, no one to give chase to, and there's just that thing about me being irresponsible? Sigh.

Still searching...
Ciaossu.

23102011

Since i enlisted in the national service, ive always wondered if ive achieved smtg that is... real. ok lemme say out all the things which i have done so far before enlistment. in my last ivp with spwushu i earned a gold medal in the group category. i graduated from poly? worked in a network marketing industry. promoted to assistant coach position. taught secondary school students, if only just a bit. apart from all those ive just been a neet.

Is all that significant? people during that time are probably in the midst of developing the iphone5, and at the same time building the new mrt line all over singapore. sometimes i even find myself a burden to the singapore manpower. i failed to achieve good results for poly, i didnt even apply for uni, and the worse part, i lived on my dad's money. mostly. HAH heck abt being a burden to singapore. what kind of person would be a burden to his own family?? damn this!!

I used to have everything planned out. i wanted to learn mandarin, work for pub while at it. and at the same time, get a degree. the thing about getting a degree is that i dont even know what i want to learn! i suck at my own course, and nearly none the private unis are offering for stuff for me to continue what ive learnt in poly!

Going to supwushu trgs i keep seeing people get injured, and also people trg their muscles so they can jump further and higher, or trg their abs so they will have a better feel of their spinning techniques. then i realise ive always been interested in how the human body works during physical activities. then an thought occured to me. I wanna learn Sports Science. I still havent planned anything about it yet but im sure i wanna do smtg rather than remaining as a freeloader of a person.

Now in the national service im going through my BMT phase, eighth week, meaning i got around 10 more wks till POP and around 22 months to ORD. life here if simple. just listen to orders properly and make appropriate decisions wisely. and think fast. any mistakes, u just gotta learn from it. and do your best in activities. same thing about life. EXCEPT the physical burden is 9.1 in the scale of 10.

Every inside, we'll think of every little motivation we have to endure the training. girlfriends, family, crush, goals, dreams. yea. I think about my family all the time. I also think about a certain girl all the time too. i got myself rejected by her cos i was naive i guess. but im trying to move on. haha smtimes i get distracted by my thoughts of her that i dont concentrate on the trg that much. thank you short attention span of mine. ive always been very high. but lately, ive been feeling very agitated. i actually feel pretty much like shit today. i havent seen her for so long. yesterday was a birthday so i bought her a gift, hoping that she'll come. then my hopes dashed away...

oh well. im booking in approximately 4 hours. and i havent completed the planning of deeparaya. Oh yes, we're gonna perform dikir barat for deeparaya this tuesday, and im the director. so ive been doing shit research about dikir barat and indian dance and eventually mixing both. so can say im in deep shit now. still got time to blog, tweet, fb, manga, anime and myspace. and look at movies. this morning i ran with fairuz, ran to tampines. now i know how the crazy enhanced batch people train. crazy people. wait, im getting distracted. gonna finish dikir barat planning now so im gonna find smtg in life. Ciaossu.

12062011

I guess many things happened this year so far.
Its been the most challenging year ever.
Many things around this country and its people going thru changes.
All i expect to see is a better tomorrow.

This year I learnt what "feeling low" is all about.
I have never felt more nervous than any time in my life.
This excitement, I have not experienced before.
The year began more sad than I've ever been in my entire life.
Heartache has never been this painful.
Loss has never been this terrible.

Funny.
As long as I can remember, I have never cried so badly in my life as long as I can remember.
This year, I guess all those accumulated tears just gushed out.
It's not a bad thing.
I knew I've always been emotional since young.
The most memorable stuff are always the sadder things.
Fighting against life.
Mistakes were intentionally made.
I guess this is what growing up is all about.
All we need is just someone who we can hold on to.
No, the journey to find that someone is nothing easy.
But things won't be sad all the time.
Happy memories are sometimes forgotten.
But at least I know they happened.
At least life is not a lie.

Sakit hati pikir pasal dia.
Kalau dia tak ada, tak payah ku rasa rindu macam gini.
Nak cuba happy pon, kawan semua sibuk.
Kat rumah, hanya tahu main game saja.
Kat luar, duit hilang macam kocek berlobang.
Nak exercise, malas pula.
Tapi bila berpikir pasal apa nak buat, dia sentiasa dlm kepala.
Tak paham dia ah.
Suka pon tak boleh buat apape.
Dah kena reject.
Tak tahu macam mana nak menang hati dia.
Dia dah pergi negeri Cina.
Datang balik tak ada plan.
Kalau ada pon aku penakot.
Tak pernah tahu apa dia berpikir.
Terlalu susah nak paham.
Bila kat Cameron macam mata air pula.
Sampai rumah jadi kawan biasa.
Rindu lah.
Sakit hati betul.

Jordan Hill - Remember Me This Way

An old song that I've always loved...


Remember me this way
Jordan Hill

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more apart of time, you're everywhere
I'll always cares

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

Here Without You

Here Without You
3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

24082010

Bed Hair Day.

For your information I spent today mostly at home sleeping.
Its not that much of a surprise when you think in terms of a SP student.
Now is the YOG holiday period and people who have not much to do my understand.
Well, its not like I don't have much to do, today's just happens to be a lazy day.

Ah, I just remembered that I have to send my friend this thing for our FYP report.
So you can wait a little right??
A picture for you to think about while I do my things.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 hours later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, I'm back. Actually I'm too tired to blog now. BUT WHAT THE HECK.
It seems I took abit too long on my work and thinking and manga.
Yes, its very hard to resist manga.
I'm trying my best.
I'm really really sleepy now but there's only an hour before 5 o'clock, in which the time when I'm supposed to eat before fasting during the day.

Oh yea.
The reason why tonight's post is called bed hair day is because I had bed hair.
For the whole day.
Ok, at least until halfway in NTUC.
Well of course, I had been dead asleep most of the day.
Just now I went to Eastpoint with that hair.
I didn't really care how it looked.
Its just that I get this bouncy feeling on my head the whole time.
That top picture didn't really show my bed hair, but boy was it bouncy.
My hair gets flat about an hour after leaving the bed(unless i showered)
ok fine i admit going to NTUC directly after waking up.
So I guess it flattened while i was marketing.
Luckily I have awesome hair.

Hey.
What's up with people, huh?
They all have their own desires and thanks to that parties emerge.
"Parties of different opinions"
All my life I always try to understand people and not be one-sided.
Nowadays I feel like I'm contradicting myself.
Sometimes I even realise that I lie to myself.
I look around at one angle, and then I notice that I worry about how people look at me than how I look at myself.
I feel that I put unnecessary pressure on myself.
Look how I became hesitant. Indecisive. Incapable.
"Change" is a horrible word.
Its a tiny word easy to pronounce.
Its a word that gives hope to people.
Yet its a word that hurts people to achieve what they want.
It is a word that challenges people.
It is a word that makes people struggle.
And "change" changes people.
That is how it is also beautiful.
And how I desire it.

Oh well.
I'm gonna endure for the next one hour.
Ciaossu.

21082010

Today is a day that we have lost a brother, a friend, and a beloved companion. Until now he has served his purpose, although with mishaps sometimes, but others with grace. He has opened my world and helped me in my tasks. He listened to my words and connected me to others'. Today I have lost... my handphone.




Anyway, just now was nearly so screwed up. I was waiting at Tampines MRT Station, alone, and with a broken handphone. Apparently out of 5 guys I'm supposed to meet, 4 of them said they'd be late. Thus I anxiously waited for the last guy, hoping that there won't be other problems.

5 minutes past the promised time.
Nothing.
So I thought "ok this is fine, its just 5 minutes... i hope he aint late or anything, if he messages or calls, i won't know no crap"

10 minutes past the promised time.
Nothing.
So I thought "ah, ive been been an hour late(not proud of it) and my phone's broken so i cant do no crap, seriously."

15 minutes past the promised time
He arrived.(If it was anime, I cudve said 5 hours later...)


Sooo, why was I waiting for the guy??
Cos it's Janice's birthday party today!
And we were meeting to buy her present!
WOOHOO!
Well, yea. The party's at a chalet in Pasir Ris, relatively "near" to my house.
Lotsa food, people, drinks, people, games, people, and also kids! Not to mention people.
I ate ALOT. When no one was looking. ALOT. Three plates, I believe.
Yea.
We played in one of the rooms alot.
From gay-wrestling to monopoly deal to mahjongg.
At one point I accidentally fell of the bed and thumped my head on the floor.
Good thing I'm a hardhead.
So many things happened including a guy holding another guy's hands during the phototaking time and after that came the talking.
Then theres cake and all, a typical fun birtday party €D.
Then theres the go home part.
I really wanted to stay.
But I'm fasting so it is inconvenient to stay away from from home for me and my family some reason.
So I sadly said goodbye, wrote smtg to Janice and ran to catch up with the people who left me behind (wah lao weh)

And then at home there's pizza... WHAT!?


Training rocks man. I'm addicted.
Maybe I'm becoming more SM than I thought.
JIAYOU WUSHU PEAPLE!!!
Ciaossu.

17082010

I wonder.
What gives me this motivation during this fasting period.
It's like I have an excess of energy(if I'm not training during the day).
Oh yes, I have to study.
After all the tests are coming in like 2 weeks?
Sheesh I'm a slacker.

"So how was the YOG holidays so far?"
Half of it was spent training(it so much 'fun' D=)
Finally FYP completed(I love my partner, he's awesome)
Some outings.
JYOG.
FASTING.
It's been pretty wicked if you asked me.

haiz.
suddenly u re-appear. next u sick.
ok just kidding.

I got my bed back.
My room's still in a mess tho.
I oughta help my mom restructure my room.
But I can't help but go out too often.
I need to learn to stay home. Geez.


MANU 3 - 0 NEWCASTLE

Yea this pisses of anti-manU ppl.
suck on it dudes.

Heck, I'm too random.
PS: I ain't gay. Love comes in many forms.

Ciaossu. Love ya all.

01082010

paiiin.
my neck hurts every time i try to lift it.

this weekend has been a "blast"
little time to do schoolwork.
i msged my fyp partner but he doesnt reply.
haiz.
im looking at the prices of what i think will be needed for our fyp.
not yet finished tho.
and im worried he doesnt tell me about another assignment too, for green buildings.
i cant let him work on his own.
i feel pretty left out.
and its unfair.
i shud talk to him 2moro.

ahh my bone's gonna break soon.
my whole body is sore.
my neck's gonna snap too.
i had to force myself out of bed to shower.
and the entire time out of the house, i had to tolerate the pain.
i find it hard to raise my head.
heck, its hard enough just to move it.

just now i was watching a movie and a concert.
for both things we sat through the hour and observed.
i swear i cudve felt like my head's gonna topple the moment i get off the seats.
just too hurtful la.

forget about it. im gonna sleep now. ciaossu.
and happy international friendship day^_^

27072010

Arif got poked by a sword.
Its all good people!
Arif's well alive and healthy.
Well, that's bad news for some people.
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ANYWAY

I think I've been cursed.
Things i used to do, I do no more.
Its like my whole daily life routine is no more the same.
Am I sick?
Last time, last time I used to go and hang out in the clubhouse from class dismissal to sundown, maybe even later.
I used to walk down the path at Food Court 5 oh so everyday but i do no more.
I used to think life has its fixed culture.

But now I choose my own culture.
I choose a culture thats weird, but strangely happy.

When I think of the kind of person I should be now, I realised I come from a culture born from an open(well half the time) Muslim family, a malengchindian(rojak) language, a Singapore(kiasu) way of life, ruled under PAP(men in white), with Singapore's economic status(oh my god, is that fifty cents?!), and the Singapore Ministry of Education's teachings(brainwash).

I've faced all that facts myself.
Some of my friends are weird thus so am I.
My dad lets me choose what I want as a toddler thus I grew up being indecisive.
Heard the story of retrenchment as a 7 year old and was traumatised by it.
Even till now.

I wanna create my own culture. My way of life.

A person I met says I'm weird.
Then he uses a rubber band and shoots it at me.
SNAP
It hits my face.
My friends saw what he did but stayed down.
I simply looked at him.
Imagine what would've happened had I been my old self.
BLOODSHED man.
Sometimes it's hard to reason with humans.
With that guy who rubber band-ed me?
I think that guy was pretty lonely.
Oh well.

Had humans in this world know more kindness.
This is my wish to mankind.