05012014

Today I'm gonna share with you stuffs that I want. What a stupid-sounding post, I know, but I want the future me to read this and see laugh at what at what goals I did and did not and still strive to achieve.. and reflect also. ONE. Being the musicman I've always been, I wish to go to a MUSE live concert, at least once. Its a dream for every MUSE fan to catch em live in their oh so legendary concerts. TWO. I'm a half-hearted traveler, I know. But like everyone, I also have a my own dream destinations for the dream holidays and such. JAPAN is one of the places I've only been able to whimper about since I was 9 years old. It's the wish of every Japanese anime fan, why wouldn't it be mine too? GREECE is a place with the beautiful landscapes with a million stories untold behind them. It is full of culture and romance, and the one place I'd beg my future wife to come with me even if I'd have to pay for all of her expenses. OLD TRAFFORD, no arguments. THREE. Speaking of future wife, although I haven't got the option to be picky, I have preferences in the girl I'd like to be with. Still, (this goes to whoever girl I'm gonna be with) if she's not like what I'm about to write, then I've probably changed or learnt to love the girl regardless of the kind of person she's like. I like a girl who's sporty, composed, and responsible. A bit childish, and shorter than me. One who loves music, and also a pinch of anime. One who'll scold me when I'm too lazy to clean my room, and straighten me up so I can work towards my goal. The rest is too abstract and I'm also tired to think any more so I shall keep it at that. Nonetheless, she will still be the one I will love for the rest of my life. FOUR. I like animals, so I'd like to live with a cat. Doctors say cats have think calming effect on a people, but I just want something meowy to cuddle with me and disturb me purring at home. Makes a home a little homelier. FIVE. I want to own my own company. Sitting in that CEO seat managing my own company, and knowing that I built that company. It is another dream I've always had, to leave my name on a stamp on this world before I go. SIX. In my religion, this world is here to prepare ourselves for Jannah, the final destination for every Muslim soul. I want make the ultimate preparation, leading my family and those around me to Jannah. I have a really long way to go, but I will get there. I have my mother and father as brilliant mentors. I also have my sisters. I only need one more person. Myself, to lead my partner and children there. SEVEN. Ok, so in the end I'm still superficial. I want to live in a large bungalow, buy two semi-detaches and fix em together for a really big ass bungalow. EITHER the bungalow or a penthouse. Have a maid or two to maintain my house. Have a really good place for my family, easier on my parents, future wife, and future kids. Somewhere I can bring friends home also for a dang good lepak time. Future wife and future kids can do the same. For parents no questions asked. EIGHT. I want to be forever close to all my friends, all the way from primary school, to secondary school, to poly, to NS, to my past and present colleagues. It feels very lonely to be forgotten. Friends who I had a bad relationship with, I'd like to fix, and not leave any walls between us. Friends already with me will be held tightly. NINE. I had a wish to GOD after I prayed one of those Friday prayers. In fact I wished this several times. I told GOD I want to be the ULTIMATE GOOD GUY. Yep, that's what I said. I don't like to feel negative, and I still believe in honesty and trust. I wished to improve as a person, as a human being, and spread the goodness to the people around me. Life is an on-going never-ending lesson. TEN. This is to you, FUTURE FADHIL. No matter how ridiculous you find life is, YOU got YOURSELF to where you are reading this right now. This list of TEN is here for you to remind you that you are NOT insignificant. You have BIG dreams and an even BIGGER heart. You are NOT alone. You are BLESSED because you STRIVE to be blessed. You have me, PAST FADHIL to support you. For all the things that you regret, wishing you had done but didn't, remember that I will be angry at YOU cos you dwell about your PAST as if that I am a DISAPPOINTMENT to you. If I could I would beat you up for that then I will laugh it off so hard I think my stomach would hurt. Wherever you get yourself, I will NEVER be disappointed in you, for you are my FUTURE. Live things off with a really big smile, struggle against hurdles strongly, rely on people you trust, help those as far as your large helping hands can reach, love with all your heart, pray with all your faith, speak the wise, be open to ideas, try your very best. This is PAST FADHIL signing off. Ciaossu^^ You are not alone=)

11102013

Too much time has gone by. We're already 22 this year. Much, much older than we used to be while we met at 17. I don't know why when I think of my future, I still see you with me. Playing with the swings, just you and me and so many children all around us. I wake up from this dream and I can only see into in the photos, telling tales of travel and venture, and you living your life the way you want to. Just that there's no place for me in there. I see every photo and can't even click the 'like' button, afraid you would think I that I am still the same person who confessed to you in that text two years ago. Well I can't say I haven't changed. In fact I think I like the way I am right now than the immature person I was back then. Still it seems I haven't fully graduated from my feelings for you. I haven't loved anyone else as much as I loved you but I'm still trying hard in spite of these feelings. You were the one I thought about while it was raining in the Thai jungles during my loneliest period in the army. Why am I being cheesy for right now? I guess this is my work in progress. Take care of yourself in your travels, and do your best in the future and I still envy that you get to work in PUB. I miss you.

19112012

To be at work is really annoying. I don't mind the work, but the regimentation is insane. Sometimes there's too many things to remember that I can't really remember anything. And my schedules very rushed.... BLA BLA BLAh. Ok who cares about my work. I'm just writing because I feel the time is right. Like how I feel that this is a good time for me to send in my university applications to catch up with what I'll miss for 2 years. And I've been feeling really lonely lately, so when I went out with my wushu friends last Saturday, it was immense joy. Even if we barely did anything. Like when I went to the Anime Festival Asia, it felt horrible to go there alone, but watching all those people in cosplay, and go into a maid cafe for the first time, and talking to all those people around me with the same interest, I didn't feel so alone anymore. Not especially after my best friend dropped by and we got free concert tickets worth $88 each. Work is hard. But I think it lets me appreciate all the little things that happens outside with my friends. I'm on leave now, but its still lonely without them Ciaossu

14072012

I envy Jay Chou. He's decided to marry a super hot 19 year old model, also 14 years younger than himself. He's been dating her for a while. And he's gonna marry her just because he can. Or maybe there's various reasons. Trust me, the Hannah Quinlivian girl is FREAKIN HOT. Well, congratulations to him and wish them all the best. I want to go karaoke. Its sad that I hardly have any friends free or can afford to go with me without burning their pockets. I miss singing Jay Chou songs, and singing duets with my poly classmate. I think singing with her was one of the best times I've ever had in karaoke. Too bad I don't fluent myself in mandarin or things would've been entirely different from now. I just realised i have a favourite singing partner. ahaha okayy i like that. There's a person I'd like to forget. Yea its the same girl. Just being in the mrt station of where she lives make me hypersensitive. I cant help but look around hoping she's somewhere near me. I'm not like Jay, I'm not the one who goes for those models and marries them. Guess I've got alot to learn from the master. Sleepy. Ciaossu

10072012

All guys know this. When we see the picture of the girl we love, she suddenly becomes the most beautiful thing in existence. As for me, as I look through her pictures my heart beat faster and faster, and I can't contain this excitement, can't even sit still. I feel so light-headed and I'm even blogging right now. Seriously I saw her picture and my whole world changed. It had changed from the darkest of the dullest woods into fields of spring, so green and vibrant, and warm. There are butterflies everywhere, and I can see hills beyond the horizon and the sun rise from the east. She's so beautiful. My heart becomes at ease. The world's burden lightens and I lay on my bed without a care in the world. I imagine her, like how wonderful it would've been if this had happened differently and she'd lean on my chest, with my arms around her, and hers around me. Too much time has passed between the two of us and I can only do so much to fix what we had. I miss her. I really miss her bad.

04072012 0848

Few days ago I told myself if I see the TPJC girl the next time I get to the no.9 bus stop near my house, I would go talk to her. When she didn't turn up, I thought about a series of possibilities of what could've not led us to meet. More importantly, I thought about the meaning of why we didn't meet. Is this some kind of message? Or is it pure coincidence that we saw each other a couple of times and when I actually wanted to talk to her, she wasn't there. I then remembered a friend who is trying out something similar, and imagined him lecturing me about how human beings tend to put meaning behind the smallest of things. So I traced back to a book I had read a few days ago called 'The Alchemist'. It's a rather popular book sharing a story that involved the reading of omens and the discovery of a boy's 'Personal Legend'. That friend of mine said books give people ideas, imaginations, philosophies even. I know about how delusional people can get, thinking about how they can live out things written on a fictional book because I suffer from the same thing. But that doesn't entirely mean that there are no meanings at all. The Law of Correspondence is in effect even if we don't know it. I have read The Alchemist, and it has input the knowledge in my mind like how it has input knowledge into many others'. But different people see the knowledge differently. I know I may have been affected by the book subconsciously, because it may have made me believe that being unable to see the girl at the bus stop is a sign. Well, the Law of Correspondence is working great, and if I hadn't forgotten my umbrella, I could have reached the bus stop 5 minutes earlier, resulting in me boarding the earlier bus 9 and talking to her. I'm not saying that I completely agree with the philosophies from the Alchemist, but I do believe that man can do anything if they willing to bleed for it at the same time remember that they need to be alive to savour it. It is just like how The Great Gatsby rose up his riches just for the reason of finding the woman that he loves. I'd still like to meet that TPJC girl and if it is meant to be, surely I will talk to her.

22062012

Scs has just ended awhile ago. It still feels as if yesterday I had just returned from Thailand and have become a better man. I will be frank, I do not enjoy working with some of the guys, but every challenge has its own lessons to learn. I am not the insecure person nor the guy who hates the world whenever there's a wall blocking his path, no more. I've been too busy to deal with things happening in the real life, so I'm lagging behind the rest of the world. Well not anymore. I've started studying French as well of the Art of War, and I've made a couple of plans for my very benefit. I will be an environmentalist by the time I reach 25. I will travel across 10 countries by 30. I will be married too. I will earn at least $5000 monthly. Not many things left to say, I simply got a date tomorrow with a lovely girl from my old school and I'm very excited to meet her. Ciaossu